FOXWORTHY ON ILLINOIS

Jeff Foxworthy on Illinois:

If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Illinois.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Illinois.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Illinois.

If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Illinois.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Illinois.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Illinoisan WHEN:

1. Vacation means going north or south on I55 for the weekend.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

7. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

8. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

9. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction, and It's Hot.

10. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

11. Down south means Missouri to you.

12. A brat is something you eat.

13. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.

14. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

15. You find 0 degrees a "little chilly".

16. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Illinois friends. (What's not to understand???)