Monday, April 17, 2006
FOXWORTHY ON ILLINOIS
Jeff Foxworthy on Illinois:
If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Illinois.
If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Illinois.
If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Illinois.
If you have ever worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Illinois.
If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Illinois.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Illinoisan WHEN:
1. Vacation means going north or south on I55 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4. You often switch from heat to AC in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
7. You design your kids Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
8. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
9. You know all 5 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter, road construction, and It's Hot.
10. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
11. Down south means Missouri to you.
12. A brat is something you eat.
13. You go out to a tailgate party every Friday.
14. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
15. You find 0 degrees a "little chilly".
16. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Illinois friends. (What's not to understand???)
Posted by Doug Jefford